dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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