Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
