He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All the doctor said was why
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
