I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize