i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
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Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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