i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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