dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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