So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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