You don't have asthma, your pregnant
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
