can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
