I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
