his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
