Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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