the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.