I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
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His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
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Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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