A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You pole danced in your parka.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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