Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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