And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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