Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
