I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
