and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
