How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
