Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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