So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize