I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
