how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
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My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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