I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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