you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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