No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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