After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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