I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
