I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it glows. i had to have it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
