we have officially lost it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
