Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.

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  (714): Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park. http://tfl.nu/ogfg
  Replies (10) Good night (687) Bad night (2047)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.

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  (814): Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight? (1-814): I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me. http://tfl.nu/ovto
  Replies (25) Good night (4909) Bad night (1044)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope

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  (330): Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope http://tfl.nu/5njb
  Replies (17) Good night (779) Bad night (4263)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools

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  (757): i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools http://tfl.nu/dqol
  Replies (10) Good night (4137) Bad night (890)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.

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  (+44): The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them. http://tfl.nu/yb6x
  Replies (20) Good night (810) Bad night (3875)
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  (951): View more from California

  At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?

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  (951): At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate? http://tfl.nu/y4sj
  Replies (18) Good night (5064) Bad night (1219)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?

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  (970): You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you? http://tfl.nu/r91h
  Replies (2) Good night (1137) Bad night (2707)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.

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  (423): I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant. http://tfl.nu/k43z
  Replies (9) Good night (872) Bad night (2111)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.

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  (715): haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate. http://tfl.nu/9gey
  Replies (1) Good night (1761) Bad night (828)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.

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  (774): I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit. http://tfl.nu/t89l
  Replies (9) Good night (4237) Bad night (984)
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  (315): View more from New York

  In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me

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  (315): In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me http://tfl.nu/ug28
  Replies (7) Good night (1133) Bad night (447)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.

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  (201): I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man. http://tfl.nu/58ag
  Replies (7) Good night (392) Bad night (993)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.

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  (609): Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents. http://tfl.nu/lxxo
  Replies (5) Good night (696) Bad night (426)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Are you texting, crying and driving?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.

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  (440): Are you texting, crying and driving? (216): And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment. http://tfl.nu/yoif
  Replies (0) Good night (380) Bad night (555)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one

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  (336): I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one http://tfl.nu/2mql
  Replies (0) Good night (505) Bad night (221)

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