Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.