pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize