I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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