so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
