but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
