I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
