Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
