he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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