we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!