So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
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I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low