so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
