You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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