Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
