ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
