I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
vagina is talking i cant
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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