Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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