Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
