I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
