you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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