Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
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I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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