Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
