Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
