I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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