So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
