I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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