Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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