i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
