it wasn't lemon gatorade
i came on her dog
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
