I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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